i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
