he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
