I cannot find my penis.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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