I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
