Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
