I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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