Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Pooping to opera.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
