I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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