Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
