Porn is love you can see.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
