I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
