Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
