The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
