I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
