yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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