If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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