I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
