dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
