i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
