xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Randomize
