dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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