i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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