I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
