I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
