you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
he had hair everywhere except his balls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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