Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's never too late to be topless.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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