wakey wakey hands off snakey
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
