I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
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