ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
