what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
it's like iHOP with fire
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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