Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
