I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
