Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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