toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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