Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
