Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
