We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
