So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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