i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
