i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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