it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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