You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Shame - the story of my life.
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