Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
