did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
