I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
