i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
