Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
