man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
