i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
