we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
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