Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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