Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
