Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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